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Sunday, 10 March 2013

How to Deal with Mothers Day if You Haven't Got a Mum


Helloo and happy mothers day!

If you are a Mum then I hope you are having a fantastic, relaxing day. I think Mothers Day is really important as being a mum is the hardest job in the world and it’s nice to show your appreciation for someone so special. But I know there are some of you out there who don’t look forward to Mothers day at all. Maybe your Mum has passed away, or you might not have ever known your Mum or something else has happened but either way, you won’t be spending the day the way you wish you could. Unfortunately, my Mam passed away when I was ten and this year is even harder as mothers day falls just two days after my birthday but I thought instead of moping around and feeling sorry for myself, I will put my experience and feelings to good use and try and help a few of you who are finding it all a bit too much.


*A few disclaimers*


Now I’m not looking for any kind of sympathy here or trying to be Mother Theresa (no pun intended) but one of the things I’ve found is at times like these you just think to yourself “nobody understands how I feel” so today I’d like to change that. If this helps just one person then I will be very happy. Also, I’m don’t mean to criticise or patronize any of you with this post, there is no right or wrong way to deal with something like this. I’ve spoken to a few friends who also don’t have mums so that I can get as much perspective as possible so hopefully there will be something here that works for you – pick and choose what you think is best. This is going to be long as I want to try and help as many of you as I can so sit tight and remember you are not alone! Xx

If your Mum has passed away don’t let that stop you from spending time with her today. Maybe play a song that reminds you of her or watch a home video of her if you have any (I didn’t have any until about a week ago so don’t be too disheartened if you don’t). If you can’t remember her that much then maybe talk to someone about her? Sometimes I like to ask my Nana questions about the kind of things she liked or reminisce memories of her with my brother and sister. You might not feel comfortable with this in case you feel like you’re upsetting someone but most likely they will understand and maybe enjoy talking about her too.

It may also be a good idea to dedicate this day to someone who has been a mother figure in your life. For instance, if someone else has brought you up or been there for you then let them know they are appreciated today.


If you have spent a lot of time in foster care or have never really had that parental figure then this day is for YOU. It is a very hard thing to bring yourself up or to go through life without any sort of guidance and I admire any of you that have managed to do that. Try your best not to be down on yourself or resentful today but be proud that you are a strong individual.
in a good way of course

If you take care of a child who has lost their mum or know someone who has then give them a chance to grieve today. Don’t feel like you have to stop them from being sad or distract them in any way. Let them deal with this the way they know how, but at the same time let them know that you are there if they need you to be. It will mean a lot to them. If it is a child then maybe encourage them to make something for their mum. The first mothers day after my Mam died me and my friends made a card for her out of art straws and I really enjoyed it. It made me feel like I didn’t have to stop celebrating her just because she isn’t here anymore. I carried on doing things like this for a few years after. These days I just tend to go the cemetery or spend it with family but if you are an adult and you want to do something like this then go for it! Don’t feel silly. It is a beautiful thing to do and you will probably feel better for it. It is also a nice thing to do if you can’t go visit a cemetery or anything like that.


This might sound a bit silly but one thing you need to keep in mind is that it is ok to be sad. Don’t force yourself to forget what is happening or feel like you are being weak if you just can’t keep it all inside. The chances are you go through everyday life holding it together and so today if you want to cry, you can! It’s not healthy to supress feelings so don’t feel bad. Similarly, if you don’t find yourself crying and getting upset, again this is totally fine. Don’t feel guilty or weird - people have different ways of dealing with things. Some days, I find myself bawling my eyes out, and others I don’t even think about her, sounds bad but that’s just life.



I've spoken to a woman I know and this is the first Mothers day without her Mum. Her personal way of dealing with it is to avoid card shops and things of that nature. The first year is the hardest and there is no easy way through it I'm afraid. It may sound contradictory for me to say avoid card shops after just saying don't force yourself to forget but what I mean is, if you can avoid situations that are going to make things harder for you then I would advise it. Whilst it is ok to let yourself grieve, adding salt to the wounds usually does more harm than good and there is a difference between the two. Of course, you can't avoid the whole thing completely but try not to hurt yourself by going down an unnecessary route. 
...even when she is gone










Ok guys, I’ll leave it there for now. If there’s something I haven’t covered then I’m really sorry. Feel free to talk to each other in the comments and I will try and be involved in that too. I hope you all have a good day no matter how you are spending it. If you do have a Mum then let her know you love her today and everyday.

Until next time xx


In loving memory
Angela Burrows (1961-2004)

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3 comments

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      To follow me go onto blogger.com and click the 'Add' button (under Reading List)then copy and paste my blog URL into that and click follow :) xx

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